Sunday, May 04, 2008

I am here...........

OK, OK....I know. It has been ages. Had a lot going on, been sick, been busy, been pissy, been bored and been busy with renovations and work. Mafi time left for this thing.
Anyway, I am now only mildly sick, not too busy, slightly pissy and have finished all other assignments.

A word for the ladies out there who don't visit their ob-gyn frequently...DON'T forget that they don't only check your lower end, they wana see your boobies too. DO NOT, and I repeat NOT do as I did.....Have a shower, see the time is running and quickly shake a load of talc in your bra to silk yourself up. The humidity is upon us, and when the delightful Doc asks you to lift your bra, you proceed to spray a load of chunky clumps of powder all over the place, including up her nose. YUK man. I could have cursed myself. She probably thought I was bonkers. Obviously she would not be far wrong.

I have bought myself a map of Dubai. After 31 years in this pit I am lost. I cannot find my way around. Seriously, it is bad. I can navigate the mountains of Ras Al Khaimah with more accuracy than trying to reach The Greens. My GPS map is also brain-fucked. It took me to the Flip-flop consulate instead of Dubai Hospital.

Finally, if you drive clk55 or ck55 or cl55 or some frightfully small silver mercedes and park so close to my vehicle again, I shall repeat what I did last week. After climbing in through the front passenger door and lugging my hot, sweaty body across 7 feet of front seats, I proceeded to open and close my door about 300 times (it was sticking you see), unfortunately with each clang it caught on your passenger was only as I was reversing that I noticed you had one mega red dang in the side....yikes.

I have loads more crappa delights for you, coming soon.


rosh said...

Moving awaaaay from bra/boobie talk - darn! the red dent on the Merc, now that's gonna cost and hurt :)

I've never understood why people park so close - don't they know it's gonna cost 'em one way or the other? That said - nice to see you back, all healthy and roaring :)

Tainted Female said...

Am so glad I'm not there b(no matter how bad that makes me)... Miss you woman.

CG said...

Rosh...hey dude, wassssup. Yeh, these idooots with fancy little motors, they need a good walloping sometimes.

TF...mad mama, how r u doing? No worries for wishing you are not here, if you are happy in life then all is good. Missed u 22

ammaro said...

this post was too descriptive for my liking. sure, it could help women out there avoid certain embarrasment but im no woman. hmm. maybe you should label this post women only

Jayne said...

Well nice to see you back again hon! Shame you had to use so much energy on repeatedly banging your door into the Merc. A 4lb hammer can come in so handy at times don't you think?

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BuJ said...

btw, VERY WELL DONE YA CG.. fuckos dunno how to park.

some fuckwit motherfucker from the fucking nigerian coast parked his car in the middle of the motorcycle bay in tesco here.. and the only place i had to park was right next to the driver's door. fucko.

the only way he could get into his car would be to jump thru another door.

really pissed me off. unfortunately bikes don't have doors, and if they do i wouldn't do what u did..


coz my door is worth more than his fucking car put together x 100.

rubbish and scum.

sorry to let it out, but this feels like a good place to rant. i feel at home :)

it's been a while boss!