Monday, October 24, 2005

I only work here


Bank: (robot) Hello, thankyou for calling ******** Bank...pls click blah blah
Me: beep beep beep beep beep
Bank: (robot)Your account cannot support telebanking, pls hold while we transfer you to an operator.
Me: <----listening to piped music and thrilled that I was getting connected to a real person for a change. Bank: (nearly humanoid) helllllo madaaaaam. how may i help you? Me: I would like to order a cheque book pls. (keeping it easy peasy) Bank: Aaahhh but you have a joint account. you need to visit your branch Me: Joint with whom exactly? This is MY account. Bank: I cannot see the information since it is a joint account. Me: can I have the number of Jumeirah Branch? Bank: No. we cannot hand out that kind of information. Me: But they know everything about me, barr my toiletry habits. Bank: I can forward a message to them to call you. Me: thanks that will be great. I look forward to it. goodbye Bank: CLICK ONE WEEK LATER: Repeat of the above except click came much earlier on. ONE MORE WEEK LATER: Bank: hello....blah blah blah Me: hello ... may I have the number of Jum. Br pls? Bank: No, this is the complaints section. pls call again and press4 Me: No, I want to complain, and I want the number for the branch, and I want the managers mobile number and finally pleeeeeeeeeeeez may I have a CHEQUE BOOK. (thought she might take the easiest option there)..... Bank: I REPEAT this is the complaints section, you need to call again. Me: Since this call is being recorded then let me remind you that I AM ffffff COMPLAINING. DO YOU HEAR ME???? Bank: Please call again. thank you for calling ******** Bank. C L I C K ONE MORE WEEK LATER: After driving around the bank for 3 weeks I finally found a parking spot (that was because the bank was closed). Its a nasty corner there on AL Wasl Rd. I opened my window to savour the smell of the prison cooking and think about how I would handle this situation....I knew they would be so competent once I get inside. Bank doors open: Receptionist (very young local girl): Good morning Me: GM... Pls may I apply for a cheque book. Rec: ok....(proceeds to flick through the box of books awaiting pick up.) Me: Gosh that was fast, but I need to apply for one first. Rec: HUhhhhhhhhhhh...you didnt apply YET? Me: and while you are at it, may I pls have your branch number because I have been leaving messages with your call centre for a long time and nobody has returned the calls? Rec: passes me a post it with the call centre number on it.
Me: ears are firing.
Me: Take your post it back....you are not capable of this position and I require somebody to ASSIST me, not infuriate me.
Rec: walks away and sits down to view me from afar.
New Rec (male): gm...takes my requisition for cheque book, does the necessary on the computer, then proceeds to hand me a new post it with his personal mobile number on it.

I know he was not being 'funny' with me by giving me his number. He knew i was in despair, and the bank were unable to sort out the simple problem. I never did meet the manager, but one day I shall, and that will be the day that he NEEDS something from me. I will show him how to be courteous, helpful and co-operative. I will teach him how to re-assure and calm his client. In the meantime I am looking for a new bank.

9 comments:

moryarti said...

I know that bank. Ironically, its employees are among the highest payed in the UAE banking sector ...

Guess money can't buy everything - especially competent staff

el condo said...

Yup lady, know dat bank.

And know this too...

Dat bank don't need nuthin from you. Not today. Not ever.

And if you thought you had it bad, try disguising yourself as a darkie...then multiply your fate by a factor of 10....

CG said...

only 10?

Keefieboy said...

My wife is with that bank. She has endless hours of fun talking to their 'customer services'. Oh and she needs a new chequebook but they won't give her one because she doesn't have the required min balance in her account. But her account is one that doesn't require a minimum balance because her salary is paid into it every month. Except they downgraded her account because her salary didn't get paid in for three months during the summer (the reason being that she's a teacher, and the salary for the summer is paid in one big chunk in June).

Complete waste of time they are.

BrainSyke said...

That was pretty bad. small bank, was it?

desertblog said...

Rec: passes me a post it with the call centre number on it.
Me: ears are firing.
Me: Take your post it back....you are not capable of this position and I require somebody to ASSIST me, not infuriate me.


An unbelievably sad situation yet extremely funny at the same time!

CG said...

the funny side is wearing a bit thin. . . . it is not only the bank. Wherever I go I encounter these idiots, and my fear now is that I may be joining them.

BuJ said...

I have no clue which bank is this.. but it smells like Bank Al Masriq.. which means (Bank of Theft) in Arabic...

CG said...

No Buj, it smells a lot worse. And the saddest thing is they dont want my companys money. It is so clear.