Monday, January 15, 2007

Driving in Dubay the old fashioned way

The car is in the shop being fixed after that dumb S A bitch side swiped I am using the really old truck. It is truly a stimulating drive.
Firstly I shall clarify what obviously does not function as it should.

One brake light appears to be MIA
windscreen wipers send sheets of grime across the already speckled windshield. The water holes are blocked, and the needles that I used to try to clear them fell inside, so if they did suddenly decide to work then my already dangerous vehicle might act like a pipe bomb.
Back doors don't shut properly so the interior light flashes constantly.
Petrol gauge seems to be stuck (Long distance aka Louise may want to comment on this)
The engine is truly fecked.

Ok, so there I go hurtling down the road. Once you reach 60 clicks you have to hammer the gas to get above 80 to avoid the vibrations. When braking down between 80 and 60 (handbrake spins are my forte) you need to use a multitude of skills. If you hold onto the steering wheel you could crack your sternum or induce an epileptic fit. The vibration turns to violent thuddering with the wheel simulating a power plate. Entertainment is the downside. Being used to a dvd player that holds 6 discs I am usually never short of something to watch when stuck in Dubai's glorious traffic jams. I searched beneath the pile of junk in the rear and came across a bag of old cassettes....yummy....let's take a look shall we?

So try to visualise me bombing it down Al Diafah street, doing hand brake spins at every speed bump, needles flying out of my windscreen in all directions with a steering wheel going all over the show. And don't forget that Bonnie Tyler is crackling out of the old clapped out speakers. Oh Joy.

p.s. trainers have to be worn, otherwise feet slip on the shiny pedals.


BuJ said...

lol.. sounds like fun.. love the Sameera Saeed tape.. hehe i bet it's gelled together inside coz of the heat.

Do I see a trend here between this post and the penultimate one?

nzm said...

I think that I'll truly stay out of your way in that truck! lol.

Long Distance said...

You need to contact Top Gear & see if You can be their roaming correspondent for the Middle East:)
Understand your misery, my car was frequently in the shop after being hit, what surprises me is that courtesy cars are not offered during this period under insurance, where I am they offer you a car to use while your car is being serviced?
Maybe a good idea would be to make the person who did the side swiping provide the offended with a vehicle until their car is road worthy again, this would teach them to be more careful.

Jin said...

Who's the SA bitch that sideswiped your car? Lemmee know & I'll send a hit squad out after her............hehehehe